Mood:  blue

I clicked "Publish Post", the bottom of the monitor screen did some gyrations, but nothing was published.  It was only a short paragraph, but that's not the point.  I can't get this thing to work again and I'm getting pissed.  Second try....

2007-10-28   20:10:36

Okay - who's messing with me?  The second try worked, and I did the same thing as the first time.

The week is going to be hard enough to handle.  I need to use all my powers to keep myself together.  Unless you've been there you can't possibly understand.  Don't tell me that because you lost your child, your parent, your sibling, that you know how I feel.  You don't.  It is two years ago this week that my world ended.  I lost my life. 

I've been to bereavement meetings, had some counseling, still go to a group (which I think is useless, but there are other reasons I attend), and through all of this I keep hearing about finding "closure".  At the end of the healing process you will find "closure".  I thought that I was the slowest healer around.  I may never heal, but now understand what is happening to me all because of a character from television.  

On September 8, I watched the last episode of "Raines", which had been on NBC in the spring.  Great TV series (cancelled of course).  I tape shows, especially now that I have a lot of trouble concentrating on anything for any length of time (hopefully that part will heal).  I was so blown away by the speech at the end of the episode that I made a note of the date and the next night I copied his speech.  To the writer/writers of "Raines", thank you, on behalf of all of us who are told they need to find "closure" so they can go on with their lives:

"Raines: I know what you're looking for.  Some sort of closure. Something to ease your pain.  But closure doesn't exist.  You're gonna feel this in some form or another forever 'cause that's how it feels when you lose the love of your life.  And even if you could wake up tomorrow and not feel this pain, you wouldn't really want that either, 'cause that hurt is the most sure reminder you have of what he truly meant to you.  And that you won't ever want to forget."