Mood:  caffeinated

This is my third try to get something posted.

19:44:35 

I guess the third try is the charm.  I finally got something published.  That Gobbling Goblin must really be hungry tonight.  I would really like to know where my first two Blogs of this evening went.  I do exactly the same thing each time, so why did the first two get eaten?  Luckily there wasn't much to eat because I refuse to take the chance of writing much before I try to publish the first time (been there - been done to).  Paraphrasing: do me once shame on you, do me twice shame on me (for letting you do me again).

21:29:41

I just wrote two paragraphs to add to this Blog, clicked "Save Changes" and they also got eaten by the Angelfire Gobbling Goblin.  I give up for the night.  I'll add more later in the week.  In fact, I think I'll write the entire Blog in Word and paste it into this excuse for a website.  To be polite, I'm pissed.  Eat this!  

2007-11-05   14:45:24

I’m at the CSN Western Campus Computer Lab.  Originally I was going to work on my A5 assignment, but that’s impossible.  There are four students, including myself, quietly working at their computers.  The security guard makes sounds like a mule when he laughs; he laughs a lot, and very loudly.  The campus manager and his assistant have been joining in, so basically it’s quite loud in here.  It wasn’t this noisy yesterday at the Charleston Campus with almost ten times the students.  Unfortunately, Charleston is so crowded in the afternoon during the week that it’s almost impossible to find an open computer station.

Since I’m here I should try to get something accomplished.  I thought I’d try to work on my Blog, but I can’t find anything that I want to write about except to complain about the security ass at the counter.  I start to get involved in something and then the air is shattered by a booming hew-haw, snort.  I know the man is very hard of hearing due to being wounded during Desert Storm.  I’m sorry he has a physical problem, but his problem is creating a problem for me and I don’t like it.

I forgot that I wanted to include this little tidbit (it’s one of the items that got eaten last night).  Found out Friday that my greatest nemesis at work won’t be returning until January.  Hallelujah!  Word spread like wildfire.  There were a lot of happy people.  One of the teachers thought that we should somehow try to get the nemesis on permanent medical leave, and said she’d make the first contribution toward the retirement fund.

I have a list of things to get done before I get home, so here goes, let’s see if I can get this to post.  If not, it’s in Word and I can try again later.

2007-11-06    15:39:01

I have been trying in vain to match the font of the material that I pasted into this Blog yesterday (used Microsoft Word for back-up in case my Blog got eaten again) to Angelfire's font and have not come across anything in their font family that will allow me to do so.  If this looks "messy", sorry, but whatever font they are using is not available for those of us who are pasting from somewhere else.  It's time to work on my A5 Excel homework.  I'm glad that I didn't pay for Angelfire's "services".

2007-11-06   16:42:46

Didn't start the Excel yet.  Had an epiphany.  Experimented with Microsoft Word and discovered that I have the correct font type selected, but Angelfire uses font size 7.5 which is not available in their drop down box.  I also used Word's spell check and found some spelling errors in my Blog.  Where there's a will, there's a way (at least some of the time).

Mood:  blue

I clicked "Publish Post", the bottom of the monitor screen did some gyrations, but nothing was published.  It was only a short paragraph, but that's not the point.  I can't get this thing to work again and I'm getting pissed.  Second try....

2007-10-28   20:10:36

Okay - who's messing with me?  The second try worked, and I did the same thing as the first time.

The week is going to be hard enough to handle.  I need to use all my powers to keep myself together.  Unless you've been there you can't possibly understand.  Don't tell me that because you lost your child, your parent, your sibling, that you know how I feel.  You don't.  It is two years ago this week that my world ended.  I lost my life. 

I've been to bereavement meetings, had some counseling, still go to a group (which I think is useless, but there are other reasons I attend), and through all of this I keep hearing about finding "closure".  At the end of the healing process you will find "closure".  I thought that I was the slowest healer around.  I may never heal, but now understand what is happening to me all because of a character from television.  

On September 8, I watched the last episode of "Raines", which had been on NBC in the spring.  Great TV series (cancelled of course).  I tape shows, especially now that I have a lot of trouble concentrating on anything for any length of time (hopefully that part will heal).  I was so blown away by the speech at the end of the episode that I made a note of the date and the next night I copied his speech.  To the writer/writers of "Raines", thank you, on behalf of all of us who are told they need to find "closure" so they can go on with their lives:

"Raines: I know what you're looking for.  Some sort of closure. Something to ease your pain.  But closure doesn't exist.  You're gonna feel this in some form or another forever 'cause that's how it feels when you lose the love of your life.  And even if you could wake up tomorrow and not feel this pain, you wouldn't really want that either, 'cause that hurt is the most sure reminder you have of what he truly meant to you.  And that you won't ever want to forget."